


A Love Denied

by March2



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 09:38:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8322949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/March2/pseuds/March2
Summary: A scene fix it for Episode 03 "Brocket Hall". This is written more from Melbourne's point of view. I really wanted to get inside his head....and give them at least a kiss!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright vests in Daisy Goodwin in respect of the characters, the scene and some of the dialogue.

It was the rustling of the autumn leaves he heard first, the noise of someone walking towards where he sat leaning against the stone column of the monument. He was immediately irritated as he was enjoying the solitude and did not wish to be disturbed. The cold wind on his face was refreshing and was helping to clear the fog in his head. Last night he had drunk much more bandy than he should. Anything to try to stop his traitorous thoughts, thoughts that he was trying to obliterate with every fibre in his body. But his mind was defeating him, torturing him with constant images of her. Images of her face, her smile and her blue eyes. Eyes that looked directly into his being and instead of finding him wanting as his wife had done, finding in him all the answers she was looking for. Answers to questions she did not even know she had. She had made him believe in himself again, made him feel needed. This was dangerous ground for him and he knew it. He knew he was on a precipice and if he had any sense he would retreat to a safe distance away from the danger, away from her. But she would not let him and he was powerless to resist walking closer to the edge with her. He knew that they could never be, society would never permit it, but in any event he was too old for her, not only in age but in experience, experience that had made him jaded and cynical. But her youth and her belief in him made him forget the man that he had become and be again the man he had been, before life and it's disappointments had changed him. He knew he spent too much time looking at her, marveling at her, taking pleasure in her beauty and all he could hope was that his face did not have the hopeless love and desire that he felt for her emblazoned across it for all to see. 

" I have seen the way my niece looks at you, Lord Melbourne." The words of the Belgian King rattled around his head again and again. His immediate reaction to Leopold's statement had been pure unadulterated joy....the joy of a young boy being told his first love was reciprocated. For moment he had embraced the joy, reveling in it. With a great effort he had kept the smile from breaking out across his face and had replied to the king as he had known he must. 

The steps got closer and he turned his head around to see who was approaching. He immediately recognized her and his initial irritation vanished in an instant to be replaced by the usual pleasure at seeing her. He jumped up from his seat and stood waiting for her to reach him. Why was she here at Brocket Hall? It was extremely irregular for her to be here unchaperoned and went against all propriety. Obviously his attempt at trying to be out of her company had not worked. He suddenly felt very uneasy. He watched her lift the black veil off her face and with a wry smile called out, "oh it is you mam, I couldn't tell", gently teasing her, and pretending there was nothing untoward about her presence there. 

He saw her smile uncertainly and he suddenly knew that whatever was going to happen here was going to change things between them. 

He saw her straighten her shoulders. "The butler told me you would be here" she said.

"I come here for the rooks" he replied. 

She nodded politely but he could see she was preoccupied. She had a determined look on her face. She obviously had a reason for coming to Brocket Hall and to him and she was not going to let anything deflect her from her purpose. 

"I think that I am now speaking as a woman and not as a queen". 

In that instant Melbourne knew why she was here and what she was going to say. He had to respect her courage in coming forward and bringing matters to a head. He, who had never before underestimated her, had done so now. In all honesty he was well aware that the looks and flirting and private smiles could not go on indefinitely. People other than Leopold had also noticed and the whispers were getting louder. She did not deserve such slurs, and especially not because of him. 

"You are the only companion I could desire" 

He swallowed hard and fought to keep the expression on his face neutral. How could he respond? She could not know where his fevered imaginings had taken him in the quiet of the night alone in his bed; how he had dreamed of being the one to initiate her with great tenderness and patience, into what went on between a man and a woman. But now she had verbalized what was going on between them, made it real, now he had to find the strength to deal with it as he should. 

He took her hands into his, caressing the soft skin. He was desperately trying to think of what to say, trying to clutch onto the remnants of his rational mind before he did or said something he could never take back. 

As God was his witness he tried to do what his head was telling him to do. 

He heard himself speak. "When you give your heart it will be without hesitation, but you cannot give it to me". 

"I think you have it already". 

And with these words, his resolve crumbled. She was so brave, so beautiful. 

He brought his hands up from hers and gently cupped her face, never taking his eyes off her. She turned her head slightly and kissed his palm. He caught his breath and she smiled. Her gaze dropped to his lips and he heard her ask, her turn to tease him. "Are you going to kiss me Lord M or just stare at me"? 

With a groan of defeat, he dropped his head, and leaving his hands where they were, found her lips with his own. He leisurely tasted her mouth with his tongue, and was rewarded with her response, shy at first but then gaining in confidence. He dropped his hands to her waist pulling her closer to him and standing on her toes, she wound her arms around his neck, her fingers burrowing in his dark hair. His mouth moved across her forehead and cheeks and down her neck dropping featherlight kisses all the while. He could hear her soft gasps of pleasure and the sound nearly undid him. 

With self control he never knew he possessed, He pulled away and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before stepping back, releasing his hold on her. He knew he had to stop this now before it was too late. However she moved forward, closing the gap he was trying to keep between them, pressing against him and the pleasure of feeling her body against his in such a manner was making him lose his reason. She brought a finger up to his lips and gently traced their outline. It was all he could do not to draw her finger into his mouth and suck on it gently. He looked down at her face and saw how aroused she was, the flush on her cheeks, and he knew she was listening to nothing but what her body was asking for. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He saw the smile spread across her face and felt her slide her hand in between the buttons his shirt, tentatively exploring his body underneath, feeling his collarbone with her fingertips. He drew a sharp breath. She moved her hand downwards, across his chest, feeling the smattering of hair there. Her fingers grazed his nipple and he could not help the moan of pure pleasure that was dragged from him. With a swift movement he pushed her against the column of the stone monument and pressed his entire body against her. She could now not fail to feel the shape and hardness of his arousal. 

She looked up at his face and marveled at the expression on it. His face with all its angles and planes had softened with love and his eyes were heavy lidded and dark with desire. 

Their kisses grew harder and more passionate, their tongues tasting each other as if they could never be satisfied. He could feel her parting her legs, instinctively opening herself to him. He brought his knee between them pressing gently against her mound. He heard her cry out with the pleasure of it and arched against him. "Please Lord M, please" she breathed. He knew what she wanted him to do, even if she didn't, and he wanted nothing more than to be inside her, filling her and feeling her reach the heights of pleasure. Her absolute surrender to him was intoxicating. 

Suddenly there was a harsh croaking sound and a parliament of rooks, startled by something, exploded out of the trees around them and flew away. The noise was enough to break the spell of madness and bring him back to his senses. He broke off the kiss and stepped back from her. 

He started talking in a tone of voice she had only heard once before from him, he who was lighthearted, charming and flirtatious, and that was when she propositioned him at the Coronation Ball. At the time she thought he was cross and embarrassed for her, but now she understood it was the strain of not taking what he wanted from her, the strain of self control and duty above all else. 

"Ma'm, you have had my heart from the day I met you. Absolutely, utterly and irrevocably. Having you in my arms, kissing you land having you kiss me back, is my life's happiness and I will remember it for all the remainder of my days, even though", and here he chuckled ruefully, "I should apologize and beg forgiveness for behaving in such an absolutely inappropriate fashion and look forward to spending the remainder of my days in the Tower. As I said to you that day sitting on the piano stool, you have given me a reason to continue. You have my heart always. I want to be that man who loves you, honours you and cherishes you but we cannot marry even though we are both free. It will not be accepted by your family or by the people of this country. And it is fine now, if we don't marry and I am merely your companion, but I know that in years to come you will realize how much I will have taken much away form you. I am so much older than you. I know you always say that I am not old, but I am. This is our reality. It is not about me not loving you with all my heart. It is about the circumstances we find ourselves in. You are the Queen of the greatest country on earth, the country I have served all my life. It is your duty to reign wisely and continue the Royal line, to provide an heir. It is my duty to ensure that nothing stands in the way of this. Our inclinations and our duty are therefore irreconcilable. In addition It would also be selfish of me to try to take you for myself. I love you too much for that. I want you to know the joy of children, know the joy of a life partner who supports you. You must forget me Ma'm, and live your life as it should be lived I cannot begin to forgive myself for the pain I know I am causing you, but I know it is my duty not to allow you to waste your chance of marital happiness and a family of your own on me". 

She could see the sheen of tears in his eyes and the pain etched onto his beautiful face as he spoke. She saw what it had cost him to say what he had said, to sacrifice his happiness for her, to give her the gift of the freedom to seek her own future happiness. She knew she could not and should not change his mind. She had asked a question and received her answer. It would not become her to ask again. But what gave her strength and comfort was that she finally understood that it was not that he did not love her, but that he loved her too much. 

She did not trust herself to speak, and there was really nothing to say, so she turned around and walked back the way she had come, the leaves crackling under her feet. She felt the tears run down her cheeks but she did not wipe them away, surrendering totally to the pain of this moment, to the pain of this heartbreak. If she had turned around she would have seen him standing there, not even able to watch her leave, broken into a thousand pieces.


End file.
